Does anyone on Planet Earth have a good way to cut up a mango?? I was utterly baffled today in the kitchen. I vaguely have this distant, foggy memory of my aunt, who is Venezuelan, showing me how to do it back in like 1935. But my tiny brain remembers that her mango was cut in half when she started her score-it-and-turn-it-inside-out trick. Did she use a chainsaw to cut it in half?!? How in sweet sassy molassey’s name are you supposed to cut through that hard-as-a-rock, surfboard-shaped monkey wrench also known as the center of a mango?! Beats the bejeezus out of me.
Now before I get a lecture from some Mango Expert being like, excuse me, it’s not that hard, you simply loosen the upper dorphius with a picket wrench… please let me explain: A) on a scale of ripe to not ripe, this mango was quite poor to very hard (scientifically speaking); 2) what am I, a professional mango eater?; and D) I felt like a monkey trying to turn on a computer.
After a few hours of banging the mango against the wall, I finally cut off the skin. Then, working on one half at a time, I sliced it lengthwise and crosswise as deep as the interior surf-board-shaped-soul would let me. Finally, I shaved off slices of the scored fruit. I know that’s a pretty terrible description, but somehow I ended up with little baby cubes of mango. God speed, and good luck.
Moving on, there were other things to cut. Like an English cucumber and a red onion. These things I can do. I diced those bad boys up in a jiffy, and added them to my drained-‘n-rinsed chickpeas. Chickpeas, or garbanzo beans, are super healthy, high protein, low fat nuggets. I’m trying to eat more of them in my Reduce the Muffin Top Campaign.
Mix this all together with some lemon juice, olive oil, cumin, cayenne, and a lil’ honey and you’re all set. Kosher salt brings the flavor up to where it should be, and you’re good to go. Happy eating, and good luck with that dang mango.
- 3 15 ounce cans of chickpeas, drained and rinsed
- 2 cups finely diced English cucumber (about 1 cucumber)
- 1 cup finely diced red onion (about 1 onion)
- 1 cup finely diced mango (about 1 mango)
- 5 tablespoons lemon juice (about 1 ½ lemons)
- 3 tablespoons olive oil
- 3 teaspoons cumin
- ½ teaspoon cayenne
- 1 tablespoon honey
- 1 ½ teaspoons Kosher salt
Makes about 6 cups